By Daniel Butler
This hysterical selection of tales of exact crimes devoted via clumsy crooks and fumbling felons may have you giggling out loud at painfully dumb makes an attempt at crime. Illustrated.
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Extra resources for America's Dumbest Criminals
C) use his shirt as a hand puppet to entertain children? (d) try and take his shirt back for a refund? If your answer was (b), you are correct. In Atlanta, a burglar was fired at by officers, escaped unhurt, and returned to his own home. When he got home, he quickly shaved his beard to fool the police and then went right to the police station to report that his car had been stolen. He was arrested on the spot. Why? First, in his haste, he had cut himself shaving, so his face was a bloody mess.
History, and it carries a lesson for all would-be dumb criminals: If you’re going to mess with Uncle Sam, make sure you don’t wake up the neighbors! DUMB CRIMINAL QUIZ NO. 007 How well do you know the dumb criminal mind? An officer fired at a bearded burglary suspect. The fleeing felon was unhurt, but the bullet tore a hole in the man’s shirt as it flapped in the breeze. The criminal escaped. Immediately afterward, did he . . (a) sew his shirt while he watched television? (b) shave his beard and go right down to the police station?
And the teller had long ago punched the silent alarm. Before you could say “banana split,” the police arrived. The rapidly melting bank robber was quickly arrested and refrigerated downtown. By this time the whipped cream was getting warm and beginning to slide. And the teller had long ago punched the silent alarm. 27 Two-Bit Thief Rhode Island police were sure they had the right man when the suspect charged with a string of vending-machine robberies paid his four-hundred-dollar bail entirely in quarters.
America's Dumbest Criminals by Daniel Butler
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